Because I said so...

It hurts to know that your doing is not being liked by your parents...

Sometimes I wonder what does really make them happy.. for me to find something that THEY love or for me to find something that I love... because now it seems that what makes them happy is if I get what they like and love and admire and not what I really want in life.

Of course, who doesn't want the best for their children.. but is it really what they're children want?? you think you know your own chil well.. but sometimes u have to learn more about them as they grow up.

I'm not their 17 year old daughter anymore.. I'm going on 27 with a mind and a dream of my own.. and I need to learn to make my own decisions and learn from my own mistakes. Playing safe all the time won't help me. I need to take chances and risks.

They've got to learn to let go... as long as I'm happy.. that should be all that matters.

Things that happen are in the hands of God.. how safe or not you protect yourselves, if things are meant to be in Gods plan, then they are meant to be...

Maybe that explains the broken line in my palm.. I'm alive.. but my heart gets broken often...

I don't need to hear my parents say Because I said so anymore. I need to say things for myself now.

Happy. Full Stop.

Sometimes you have to trust your instict and know when it's time to stop doubting yourself and other people. When you finally found your happiness that you've been searching for so long. You should be glad and not question things any further.

I AM HAPPY.

Guy talk

Had a talk with some of my close guy friends on relationship. Just to have an insight from the opposite side.

Banyak rupenye leh blajar dr derang.. why guys do what they do and what girls shouldn't do to tick them off. Hurmm..

Should have these conversations more often la...


*Sayang uuuuuu.....*

When the beat goes on...

Learning to love again... is not an easy task. Sometimes I wonder to myself, whether this is really love? or just a high definition infactuation phase. (ceh.. mcm TV plak) But something deep within me says that this is right. No hesitations, no taking a step backward.. everything moves in smoothly.. a few bumps, as normal.. but cleared off easily. I haven't felt this way for so long... that I'm not even sure whether I've ever even ever felt this way before.

Being with that particular person.. listening to his heart beat soothes me the most, apart from looking into his eyes and his smile.

Is this Love? Is it? Or is it just a phase that will fade away given time.

What is important though.. that at this precise moment. I am Happy. And that is all that counts. Whatever happens after... I leave it in the hands of God. Heartbreak is something we all go through in life.. so if that happens.. I'll be ready. In the mean time. I am Happy.

4am and wide awake...

My sleeping time has still not being turned to normal hours.. it goes normal like from Sunday to Tuesday.. because I have class.. then it goes all haywire again from Thursday to Saturday.

Hoping that this blogging will help me sleep.. just wanted to type up a few words before I curl up inside my blankie n try my best to ZzzzzZzz...

Ok.. so it's been in my mind for the past few days whether what I'm doing right now is right or wrong. Sometimes I feel that I shouldn't do it and move on.. sometimes my head screams.. STAY!!! I am staying at the moment.. but I wonder if that person really, really wants me to stay, or am I just a diversion of something he's trying to err.. divert from. Haha.. I wonder if the feelings are mutual. I really2 do wonder... It shows like it is.. but deep inside.. I dunno.. I just hope so cause I want to stick like glue to that person.

Owh.. it works!! I'm finally sleepy.. just a few words and sleep already. Good.. good..

Nitey nite everyone!!!

Fever

There he goes
My baby walks so slow
Sexual tic-tac-toe
Yeah I know we both know
It isn't time, no
But could you be m-mine?

We'll never get too far
Just you, me and the bar
Silly ménage à trois, sometimes
Would you be m-mine?

Oh baby, light's on
But you're mom's not home
I’m sick of laying down alone, hey
With this fever, fever..
My one and own
I wanna get you alone
Give you fever, fever

There it goes
You're still my soul and so
’Cause, sweetheart
Nobody a-knows me
Or can find me,
Time to be m-mine, mine

Let's get inside your car
Just you, me and the stars
Kind of ménage à trois, sometimes
Would you be m-mine?

Whataya Want From Me???

The song lyrics below is from Adam Lambert's song, Whataya Want From Me. Some of the words apply to me right now.. some though. Not all.. Listen to the song. It's great!!


Hey, slow it down whataya want from me
Whataya want from me
Yeah I’m afraid whataya want from me
Whataya want from me

There might have been a time
And I would give myself away
Oooh once upon a time I didn’t give a damn
But now, here we are so whataya want from me
Whataya want from me

Just don’t give up I’m workin it out
Please don’t give in, I won’t let you down
It messed me up, need a second to breathe
Just keep coming around
Hey, whataya want from me
Whataya want from me
Whataya want from me

Yeah, it’s plain to see (plain to see)
that baby you’re beautiful
And it’s nothing wrong with you
(nothing wrong with you)
It’s me, I’m a freak (yeah)
but thanks for lovin’ me
Cause you’re doing it perfectly
(it perfectly)

There might have been a time
When I would let you step away
I wouldn’t even try
But I think you could save my life

Just don’t give up I’m workin’ it out
Please don’t give in, I won’t let you down
It messed me up, need a second to breathe
Just keep comin around
Hey, whataya want from me (Whataya want from me)
Whataya want from me (Whataya want from me)

*Dreaming*

OK!!!... I'm officially in LIKE with someone.. I would say I'm almost falling for the guy.. but I'm not letting my feelings out too much just as yet. Taking it one step at a time. But yeah, can't help feeling wootsie wootsie when he's around... (wootsie means something like on cloud nine.. jittery feeling)

*Sighhhhhh*

Laugh

A part of The Sword in the Stone Cartoon. I laugh almost everytime I watch it. Brings down the heebie jeebies or sadness or anger I usually have.

Kumbang...

Saya suka padanya.. sangat2 suka padanya... tapi ntah.. saya rasa satu hari nanti, saya mungkin kena kate bubbye... sebab saya nak jadi No.1, the ONLY one. That's it, but I know it's almost impossible.

Tapi saya sangat suka padanya. Skrg saya pening2 butterfly yg terbalik gitu...

Boys: A girl just needs one

I just realised.. or actually.. I've been realising it for awhile, just not admitting it... THAT.. I fall for 2 types of guys:

1. Low profile, lower education than me (sorry to admit it.. but I got Masters la kan.. Muahaha!), on the quiet side and those I can buli2 manja easily... hahaha..

AND

2. Bad Boys or naughty boys.. whatever it is, somewhere around that category la. Berlagak, ego tinggi, womanizer, drinker, etc,etc.


How come I'm never attracted to normal guys eh?? Like yg everyone loves, has a good job n education, family oriented, etc?? Owh.. most probably because there are on the verge of extinction or their either already taken or gay... yeay! Not...

Ngahaha.. 2010, the year to find love.. let's see what happens.

Hot n Cold

Feels so right, when it's all wrong... what am I doing??? I can't help it.. it just feels right.. everything does... but its so wrong!

Wedding

Today, I organized a bridal shower for Mimah, since she's getting married to the love of her life Azman, in exactly one week time.

How time flies.. it seems it was just yesterday we first introduced each other in 1 Tanjung... and in 2 Tanjung, I got to know Azman plak... and to see them starting out from mere puppy love, growing into true love and now marriage... truly amazes me..

Had fun at the bridal shower.. singing n dancing at Red Box.. a first for most of us of the 7 girls that came. Lawak pun ade sbb masing2 xreti camne nk put on songs and whatever.. hahaha.. and to see Mimah with her Bride to be sash and bachelorette crown.. so cute!!! Ngee~

Nevertheless, I had to hold back tears when we all said goodbye just now. That would probably be the last time I see her before she becomes Mrs. Azman... it was an emotional time for me... one because she's my best friend... two because.. I NAK KAWIN GAK!!! hahaha.. but most of all things might be different from now on, since Mimah will be a wife after this. The same happened to Azleen almost 3 years back... I almost went to tears... and now she's a beautiful wife and mom of two little precious kids. Soon it will be Farah's turn in June and then most probably Intan..
huhu..

To Mimah & Man.. my friends, my best friends for 13 years.. going on 14 years... I wish and pray for both of your happiness.. May your marriage last a lifetime filled with children, grandchildren and maybe great grand children.. Hehehe... May your lives be filled with love, trust and respect towards each other. InsyaAllah... love u both!!!

2010

2010: What to expect...

I need to seriously look into loosing weight because this time, the weight is effecting my back, therefore my tail-bone pain won't go away until I do...

I need to study smart to get through my masters, which should finish by the end of the year.

I need to be more organized and stop being lazy and rearranging my sleeping time back to normal again.. though that will pose a problem still since I can't get my hands off my laptop and/or handphone until at least 3am in the morning. Sheesh!!!

To fall in love would be another good thing for me this year. After what seems like years of single life... I am in need of a proper relationship. Someone to love and to care for and to be taken care and loved of.

The rest would go along the way... 363 days left for 2010... many things to do, so little time... Live as if we're dying... pray as if we're dying... absorb life and what it has made us up to this point, and stop to ponder what we should n shouldn't do to make a better us.


Happy New Year Everyone!!!