4 years of single life... no real relationship.. only flings that didn't worked out.. even that with my ex was not considered a real one, because of our long distance relationship that was on the verge of breaking for the most of our 2 1/2 year relationship.
Single life.. people say enjoy it.. but when it is THIS long of a period.. there's nothing much to enjoy. There's only loneliness and emptiness...
I have had my taste of men who take me for granted.. I tell you.. at first, they looked ok.. then they start to show signs of being a control freak, within less of 3 months of befriending each other. Then I have those who end up not quite interested with women... if u know what I mean.
Then there are those jerks, whom some use me for money... just into 1-2 weeks or months of knowing each other, then they asks for handphone top-ups and even to lend some money. There are those who go to the extreme and ask for sexual favours... eeeuuuwwwww... and there even those whom get close to me, because they want me to introduce them to my friends.. that hurts.. big time!!!
Sometimes I wonder what the matter it is with me. To say I'm chubby and fat.. I know people even bigger sized than me who are already in a relationship.. some even married. To say I'm ugly.. I'm not.. I say I'm pretty to be honest... To say I'm a tom boy.. I used to.. now I'm all prim n proper. To sayh I'm high maintenance.. I don't go crazy over designer items and luxury items like other girls do.. whom in fact still get to get hold of a relationship. To say I'm childish.. I'm not. So what is it in me that there has not been a decent man that wants to be with me for me n to love me.
I'm confused, upset, lonely... Yes, I do hahe friends and family.. but it's not the same. Especially when I have almost everyone around me either deeply in love, married or to the least, being courted in some ways.. I try to keep a positive mind, but sadness lingers when I see everyone around me being loved.. and it saddens me more when people ask me when I'm getting married... do I have a boyfriend.. and when I say no.. they give this confused expression of to why I'm still single and asks me tons of questions... Excuse me people, but i question myself on that too you know...
I think I'm starting to bore my friends out when I whine about being single... But I've tried almost everything in the book.. from thinking positive, to opening up to loving myself in order to project a loving aura... to flirting.. what else??
Mandi bunga maybe??? Sigh.. I dunno... I'm blunt... can't think of anything else anymore.
***Sad + Lonely = Pathetic***
No comments:
Post a Comment