To not be in denial...

A lot of people have told me

"Everyone is busy and everyone has their own life to deal with. Not everyone can succumb to get together a lot of time or to even keep in contact"

I've heard this statemen from my family and friends.. and I've heard this statement since I could even understand what it means.

Growing up as the only child has its pros n cons... the pros was that there is no undivided love and attention from my parents. And there are also some other benefits that I would rather not disclose here.

The cons were that I couldn't help but do feel alone. There were times in my life that my parents hardly were home... there were even times that my parents didn't know i was growing up... or to see my 1st step or say my 1st word. There were times where I was left at home with nenek or my servant while my parents were busy at work.

Then it came to a point where I grew up and started to have good friends... until now.. I must say that I am blessed with good friends I must say. Promising each other that we will always be there for each other shouldn't be a promise.. maybe we should rephrase that word and let it sound like this

"We will always be with each other when in need AND when we're not busy with our own lives, this is not a promise.. this is a verbal, unconfirmed contract"

Does it sound like I have abandonment issues?? Hrmm.. maybe... but the truth is.. I am tired of having to listen to people saying that they are busy, when what they really are is busy to talk or msg ME... if I don't find out.. fine.. but when I do.. that's what hurts the most. I guess being the only child, somehow I do feel lonely.. and who do I turn to when my parents are not the ones to talk to?? My friends of course... Yeah.. fine.. let me lay it out... sometimes I do feel neglected to a point where I think... why should it be me who always do the following up with friends? How come I don't have the power to not msg my friends and ask them how they are?? Why should it always be me to make the 1st move?? Sometimes I wonder...

Yes... at points, me myself is busy with work.. sometimes it takes me the whole day to reply even one msg... but at least I do... I try to take my phone during lunch, in the toilet (yes, in the toilet) or any chance I get to reply a single msg... maybe it's a human fact that sometimes we do tend to forget or overlook communicating with someone we need to. If I haven't been replying someone's msg... do let me know so that I can repair that mistake... please... thank you.

There are some people who say... Nadeeya... u ni kalo xde kawan u.. mati ke?? Can't u be independent??? A point given there... am I NOT independent??? Have I not been going through my life independetly?? Have my parents lied to me when they say... "We're proud of you... you're an independent girl now"... Sometimes I can't figure out things when it comes to this... Am I the problematic one? Or I simply just can't see the fact that everyone is freaking busy including me and that I am in denial of being busy just to accomodate everyone or rather to keep in touch with everyone???

The answers remain silent... Life is meant to go on.. and to go on I will... If I need to find solace in new people in my life from time to time... than that is what I will do...