Of Curtsies and Table Manners.

These recent years.. ever since I came back from New Zealand, Mom has been bringing me to functions here n there... with the idea of exposing me to people for good networking as well as potential mother in laws.. (yikes!) or simply introducing us to the extended members of the royal family.

I think it runs in the family.. because Mom n her sisters went thru the same thing when they were young... though only my aunt had an arranged marriaged, while mom n her younger sister wed to people whom they fell in love with.

The functions, that mom recently brought me to, consists of those that have the royal families as special guests. Requiring upmost good manners, flare and etiquette. Since mom still keeps her Royal traditions, she's been training me to speak the royal language and how to sembah the King and Queen and so forth.

The thing is, I wasn't thought these things since I was young. So it's a bit weird at first.

I remember one particular day, my mom babbling to me n my cousins of not using the 'Palace Language' amongst us. We answered by saying that, if the moms wanted us to use those language, they should have thought us since we were young. Using 'Patik' tu address ourselves, 'santap' - eat, 'beradu'-rest/sleep, etc. etc... now that most of us cousins are of 15 and over.. it's hard for us to learn something new. Though we've tried to in a few gatherings that had our great aunts n uncles.

Nevertheless, we're proud that, even though we are no longer the reigning family to the throne, that we managed to keep some of the Royal traditions in hand, when needed... Hopefully wel'll manage to teach our children some of the tata tertib and manners of the Royal family, so that it can be brought down to generations. May the heritage line of Sultan Abdullah remain strong in our bloods. InsyaAllah.

Take One... Action!

The part he's acting in is out today.. eh, wait.. was yesterday.
Okla.. the acting. Garang! Huhu.. But it made me miss him more.

Tadi pergi The Curve, got hot chocolate from Starbucjs, passed the seat that the both of us sat at when we first met each other six months ago. Missed him more.

Even found videos of him strumming on the guitar with his friends, and playing on the keyboard on an old Sudirman song. Well, he told me about it a few days ago.. I didn't even knew it was there, until he asked me whether I added him on Youtube.. I was like.. "I didn't even know you had any videos's on youtube!" Except for the one's of the trailers..Sheesh~ so since he mentioned it, I decided to check it out. There it was.. in full view.. October 2006~Video's of him playing musical instruments. It made me shiver.. it made me miss him more.

All these things this week... why?? Why must these things come up when I miss him the most???

I miss his hug. I miss his hands... I miss everything about him. I'm not that sad anymore about the whole thing. I just miss him really badly.

These missing him thing has got to go away.. wait.. I don't want that. I do.. I don't... I don't know. Sigh~

Us...

There was never anything wrong with us...

The problems we had were normal couple problems...

Those complicating stuff could've been avoided, could've be solved.

We had our normal misunderstandings and couple quarrels..

But on top of all that, we were there, caring for each other.

It was a relatioship that could work out if we wanted to..

A relationship that could be mended if we wanted to...

But now, here I am wondering, why we mutually agreed to go our separate ways...

When all I needed was you...

I don't know if you need me too...
But I'm deeply missing you, needing you here with me, in my arms, by my side.


It's been a week, and it's not any easier. Everything, everywhere, reminds me of you.


I miss you Mr. H. I love you.

"Time For Miracles"

It's late at night and I can't sleep
Missing you just runs too deep
Oh I can't breathe thinking of your smile
Every kiss I can't forget
This aching heart ain't broken yet
Oh God I wish I could make you see
Cause I know this flame isn't dying
So nothing can stop me from trying

Baby you know that
Maybe it's time for miracles
Cause I ain't giving up on love
You know that
Maybe it's time for miracles
Cause I ain't giving up on love
No I ain't giving up on us

I just want to be with you
Cuz living is so hard to do
When all I know is trapped inside your eyes
The future I cannot forget
This aching heart ain't broken yet
Oh God I wish I could make you see
Cuz I know this flame isn't dying
So nothing can stop me from trying

Baby you know that
Maybe it's time for miracles
Cuz I ain't giving up on love
You know that
Maybe it's time for miracles
Cause I ain't giving up on love
No I ain't giving up on us
Baby can you feel it (can you)
You know I can hear it (hear it in my soul)
So can you feel it feel it….
You know it's time….

Baby you know that
Maybe it's time for miracles
Cuz I ain't giving up on love
You know that
Maybe it's time for miracles
Cuz I ain't giving up on love
You know
Maybe it's time for miracles
Cuz I ain't giving up on love
No I ain't giving up on us
I ain't giving up no
Oh I ain't giving up on us

This is for you...

Signs...

Ignoring the signs.. though sometimes I wonder whether those signs mean something or anything. Do they?


Not hoping.. just positive thoughts off my wellbeing.

I miss you. :(

The E.N.D.

The End, meaning the end of a relationship.

The E.N.D (Energy Never Dies, according to Black Eyed Peas) meaning, that the respect and energy as friends, will never die.


Me n Incik have broken up. As much as it hurts, I know things will be alright in the end. I've been sulking for 2 days at home.. not wanting to get out of bed and out of my room. It's good that my parents understand it and just brings me down for lunch and dinner, and let me go back to my room.

Am I hurt? of course I am. But I knew that it this thing would've happen, with the turmoil we were having the past few months, which is why it wasn't a surprise to me when that dreadful day came. Though it deeply saddens me that we couldn't work things out anymore, and it deeply saddens me that I won't be able to love him or feel his love the same way again. But it is also good to know, that we've decided to still remain friends.

He has been the best boyfriend so far... and I appreciate all the time we've spent together, and I am grateful to been given the opportunity to meet him, be loved by him and so forth. It was a wonderful experience that I won't forget. I will still love him, even as a friend, even as a normal person.

It will take some time for me to properly heal.. but I know I'll get to that point soon, and be a better person from this experience.

On another note, to my friends.. I know some of you want to put all the blame of this break-up on him. But don't. For my sake, don't. When I agreed to let him go and go our separate ways, I also let go on all the anger I had... It was not his fault, and it wasn't mine. It was just not meant to be at this time. When I hear my friends saying bad things.. it doesn't make me feel better or stronger.. it just makes me feel worse. So out of respect for me, there is no need for my friends to diss him. What has passed, has passed, and I need to move on.

What the future holds for me, I have no idea. I'll make notes, I'll dream and I'll believe, but the rest, lays in the hand of God. I may find someone better, I may end up with Incik again, or one of my exes.. who knows. But whatever lies in the future for me, I'd greatly accept it with open arms.

Silence

The silence is kinda good... the distance is good too... maybe it will do us good. Let our minds get clearer n stuff. I don't feel an obligation at all...

Well..., as they sometimes say, being apart makes us stronger. So maybe this will too~


I still love you though... Always have, always will be. =)

Ponder...

Not giving excuses to protect my love one.
People always get the idea that when I say things.. I make excuses for my love ones to treat me badly. It's not that. And I'm not settling for whatever there is... that's plain silly.

Of course I want better things from my partner. But I'm not pushing. I realise I don't like being pushed, so I won't want to push another person at that.
I just don't want to bother on the things that could make me feel down.
I prefer to look at the bright things in life and stop complaining and think positive.
If God has written that we are meant together, together will be, if we're not meant to be together.. together we won't be.

I'm turning a new leaf now and looking at the positive things and shoving all negative vibes aside. I'm looking at what made us where we are today and how we started to fall for each other in the 1st place. No, I am not in denial. I do not deny that there are things that made me unhappy. But If I continue sulking and complaining and pushing my other half to be better, those negative things won't just go away. So it's better to turn things around and react positively... InsyaAllah, the response from the other half would be much better. It has actually... there's a lot of improvement, ever since I started the whole positive manifestation thingy. And I believe that it will be alright in the end. Just need to hold on and be a bit more patient.

If it doesn't work out in the end, it won't be the end of the world for me. There are other things to explore, and I'm not afraid of being let down again.

This is how I feel... though I thank everyone for their comments. It does help me think. =)

Turning 27

It's past midnight already. I'm officially 27 years young! Haha... 27 is just a number. According to my friend, it's not just another year.. it's a year better. I believe that.

Lots more things to explore, more to improve.. more people to meet, more experiences to go through. I hope.. no..I believe that this turning of 27 will give me one of the best experiences in life. I believe things will be much better for me this year around.

Oh, I just I love myself! Happy Birthday to me!!!

2nd Semester

Results are out. I got thru. GPA of 3.47. Shy of 0.03 points of 3.50. Nevertheless, I'm happy with my results. Just wondering why I'm not grinning ear to ear. Maybe because I waited for 8 hours to actually get my results, coz the uitm student portal crashed n hanged. And that means I'm super exhausted.

Well.. a good B'day gift to myself. Things seem to look good for my turning 27. Loving it!!! Alhamdulillah.

I carry your heart with me

I carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)
I am never without it(anywhere
I go you go,my dear;

And whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
I fear no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

Here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

I carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

Edward Estlin Cummings

Ketchup

Last night I went out for a dinner with Incik. We went to a fast food joint. Since he didn't want to bring me to a mamak shop to eat roti canai. "Malam2 jgn mkn roti canai" katenye. (huwaaarrghhh).

Anyway, I got the food, while he got a table and the sauces. Then when I sat down, he passed me some tomato ketchup. "Here's your ketchup, since I know u don't eat Chilli sauce". I was speechless. He remembered? He actually remembers that I don't take chilli sauce? I mean what.. We've only gone on a dinner date to a fast food outlet like twice, not including here.. and he remembered? I was soo touched. I managed to say "You ingattttt???" And he replied "Yelaa.. ingatlaa" Then I gave the widest grin.

OK.. So remembering that I don't like chilli sauce may not be a big deal for you lots, but to me.. it is. It means that he has been paying attention to what I like and don't. Especially when it comes to food, since I'm a bit picky on it. Some people who've know me for years still can't remember that I don't take chilli sauce and brings me a whole bunch of packets which I shove to the side. Haihhhh.. *melts*


Sayang kamu Incik. Walaupun pasai sos tomato. Hehe.

In a weeks time.

In a weeks time, well in 5 days to be exact, I turn 27. It's over the quarter century age.. and closer to 30. Sheesh.

I often wonder what I've done for the past 27 years in my life, that I'm proud off and regretted off. A lot.

Wouldn't want to bore you people out with the list of things I did in the past. It would take days to finish. But I can say that I'm proud to have done what I've done, and those things that I regretted doing, I don't regret them anymore, because that's what made me a better person, the one I am today and a wiser person at that.

Though I must say 2010 is a good year for me. In love, in health, in family n friends... and experience. And I hope, the next years to come will be good for me, even better I believe.

I realized that throwing away negative thoughts and thinking positive and looking at the brighter side of life has made it better. I just learned to grasp this a few weeks back and it has helped me a lot in so many ways. I've learnt that the more we complain, the more unwanted things come our way. If we look at our problems from a different angle and remind ourselves that we are lucky things couldn't get any worse, helps too.

Positive energy makes us stronger and more confident in life and we shouldn't be afraid of what life has got for us. We should put our heads up high n believe in ourselves that we can go through anything and achieve our dreams. When we look down at people and look at their bad side, we're actually reflecting ourselves, and in turn, that doesn't make us a better person than that person. So that, I am trying not to say anything bad about anyone anymore, because we don't know who they really are inside, and everyone behave's and reacts in a certain way for a reason and that's the same for us.

Another thing I learnt was to be filled with gratitude to those around us. People and things... I try to wake up each morning to Thank God for everything I have, and for everything I will have in the future, may it turn me into a better person.

I've recently started to recite The Quran again, even though I'm struggling quite a bit after a long time of leaving it, I still feel a sense of calmness when I read the sentences with the help of the Ustaz. I've also managed to take my 1st helicopter flight a few days back, and in 10 days time, InsyaAllah will take my 1st scuba diving lessons. To some people, these things are nothing.. something typical. But to me, it's an accomplishment that I am proud of.

In 7 months time, I'll get thru my MBA and start working again, and in between, there are many other dreams I am aiming to achieve, before moving on to 28. Let's see how that goes. For now, I'll enjoy beeing 26+ for the next 5 days, and then, have the best 27 years of age I could.

Travel Blog Australia: Part 6

1st June:

Today, I woke up thinking.. OMG! I'm getting on a helicopter soon! Walked to Sea World Resort after breakfast, butterflies fluttering like mad in my tummy. Met dad there, who went earlier because he 'wanted to see the dolphins'. (cute). Then we went to book my 1st flight in a helicopter. Time of flight was 1.25 and the that time it was 11am. Lamenye nk tunggguuuu... so me n dad jln2 in SeaWorld, watched the dolphin show, again. (We're over fascinated with this mammals la..) and then had lunch of seafood basket (again), watched some pirate stunt show, n walked our way to the helipad. I was having the heebie jeebies like it was nobody's business. Haha..

Skali nampak la assistant pilot. Handsomenye!!! Tros hilang nerves. muehehe. Then I went to watch the safety briefing video, before being led to the waiting area near the helipad. Come 10 minutes, the helicopter came. The assistant, owh sooo handsome, lead us to the helicopter and assist us into our seat. I was over exitedly waving towards my dad like a 5 year old kid. Then with the headphones on, the doors closed, up I went. Owh.. I took the helicopter trip with 3 other people. Don't know who they are, but naik jela kan.

The helicopter trip was fun. Not like how I imagine it would feel like. It was a smooth flight, despite the rain, wind n fog that was surrounding Gold Coast at that time. The view of Gold Coast was magnificent! I almost cried. hahaha.. Owh, did I tell u, that there's a Piazza Versace Resort near our hotel. From the outside pun dh nampak cantik, and when I viewed it from the helicopter. Woah.. mouth dropped opened! The pool itself was stunning. Huhu. It was just a 15 min flight, but it was an awesome experience before I turn 27. OMG! Must I remind myself that? huhu..

Anyway, after the ride, me n dad took the shuttle to the biggest shopping plaza in Gold Coast, called Pacific Fair. I rase boleh sesat kot dlm tu. It's like an outdoor n indoor mall, in which the outdoor mall is like street shops n what not, n the indoor shops are like normal shops we have here. Nice la jugak. So many shops, I couldn't choose which one I wanted to go into 1st. So in the end, I chose to go into those I was familiar with. And got many2 things. Hahaha... Met mom n my grandparents, who also shopped like mad. (Mom la.. not my grandparents) Then we took the shuttle back to Surfer's Paradise to grab dinner.

That's pretty much what happened today. Till 2moro. Owh.. besok nk gi Harbour Town Factory Outlet plak. OMG. Shopping lagiiii!!!!




2nd June:

Nothing much today. Just spent most of the day shopping at Harbour Town Factory Outlet. Of course.. went crazy shopping. Hahaha.. got a lot of stuff, clothes, handbags, etc. By the time I got back to the hotel I was tired. Then went out again to get dinner in Surfer's Paradise. Balik Hotel. ate dinner, just finished packing. 2moro to Currumbin Wildlife Sanctuary, before we take a bus to Brisbane for our flight back to KL.



3rd June:

Today me n dad went to Currumbin Wildlife Sactuary, where supposdely, next to Australia Zoo, is worth to go too, to see Australian animals. Took the early shuttle there.. 1st impression "keciknyer entrance tpt ni.. betui ke 27 hectares? Hurmmm.." Went in, n saw one of the zookeepers feeding milk to Larakeets (small, colourful parrot look-a-like birds). Banyak giler larakeets! I got excited and went to the are to take some pictures, when the zookeeper offered a plate of milk to me to give the birds. I pun dgn confidentnyer gi amik. Suddenly, about 20 birds came flying up to me.. on my hands, n shoulders. Tajam kot kuku derang! Sakit woo.. I tried my very best not to shout, as not to scare the birds. But then it came where they sat on my head. Owh the claws.. scratching on my forehead n hair. I couldn't take it anymore n passed the plate back to the zookeeper. And of course, my hand n forehead bercalar2. Nasib x luke. huhu..

Then in we went to take the train to go to the main attractions. Alamak.. almost all the animals were still sleeping. Of course, it was near winter, cold n windy.. most animals prefered to sleep in. While us humans were making noise to wake the animals up. Huhu. Then I caught sight of the Koala's. Wahh.. gembiranya hati!! Comeyl n gebu.. I feel like squeezing them. Haha..

The place was pretty boring, except for the shows, koala's n kangaroos. Got to feed n pat the kangaroos. Even got a hug from one of 'em. (Aaaawwwwww) n got to hug a Koala as well (Double Aaawwww..) Owhh., and I got to see a Wombat 1st hand. The Wombat I talked about in my recent post. OMG.. 50kg's n all. Besar, gebu, cuddly.. but apparently garang animal.

Later on, me n dad headed back to the hotel, did our final packing n headed to Brisbane International Airport. Our flight got delayed for 2 hours. Technical problems with MAS Airlines. Slept most of the time in the plane.


4th June:

Glad to be home. Slept for 4 hours after we reached home sweet home. My room never looked as pretty. I slept like a log. Ngee~

Aussie was fun. Was refreshing and helped me a lot in keeping things positive and looking at the brighter side of life. I think.. NO.. I mean I know, that I'm a better person now.. In a weeks time, I'll be turning 27, and I know I'm prepared to face anything. Positive thinking and gratitude towards everything and everyone around me. That helps make me a better n wiser person.